i don't want to die. i just don't want to live. i want to erase every memory of my existence from the face of the earth! nothing makes me happy.

i "came out" to my mom on friday afternoon. it's not like she learned anything she didn't already suspect. it's just out there now and i don't feel the anger associated with "hiding" shit. nothing's really changed though. it was she who suggested i get the fuck out of loco. i hate it here.

i'm not so sure that i know how to compromise. it's an extension of grace, ain't it? what's too much and what's too little? it's something we all have to define for ourselves, right? cuz we're all different peeps and that's what makes as the world turns possible? the only way it's possible ever to have everything my way is to go without having other folks in my life which is something i never ever want to do! this is big now that i've found someone with whom i think i want to compromise.